I have to tell my parents that I am currently dating a man of color. My mom won’t have a problem with it, but my dad has been racist towards blacks ever since he was carjacked and had a gun put to his head and narrowly escaped death. It was an unfortunate circumstance that could have happened to anyone and also could have been committed by a person of any race, but in this certain circumstance it was three black males against my white father and it intensely traumatized him. Even though what happened to my dad was awful, my mom has never changed her views on a certain race because of one incident and she will be thrilled to hear that I have finally found the love I have been looking for. I hope that my dad can eventually see the world my mom sees it and not always associate getting carjacked with every black male because I have no intention of dumping my boyfriend but also do not want to upset my father, which is why I am going to talk to them about it together.
I have been in two previous relationships before, both with white men, and they have treated me terribly and both my mom and dad hated them. I will be sure to avoid “landmines” by talking about how it should not matter what race my boyfriend is because in the past I have dated white men and they were awful and my current boyfriend treats me great so that is what should really matter. I will be sure to avoid telling my dad right away about that fact that my boyfriend is from the same town that he was carjacked in so that he does not associate him with that place because he clearly had nothing to do with the situation all those years ago. I will also talk about how eager he is to meet them and that it can be in whatever setting they desire, whether it’s at our house or at a formal dinner.
I know that once my dad meets him he will not feel as anxious or angry as he assumes he will but I need to make sure that I tell him only good things about my boyfriend and not introduce the “landmines” right away such as that he is taking a gap year off of college or that he used to get in trouble for things like marijuana in high school. None of these are issues that have to be dealt with therefore I am not obligated to say them. I will let their connection speak for itself when they meet but until then I must make my dad feel as comfortable as possible and talk so highly.